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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly unsuccessful exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more deranged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a extensive guide to the terms this generation is using to discuss love, intimacy and the search of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – For gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who helps you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would get a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes couples who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Flags

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks signaling a potential partner is bad news. For instance calling their exes crazy, poor gratuity habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your choice to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a proper bed …
• Odd but harmless traits – These typically describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately shut down any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful gesture.

J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {